So, take all the fashion cues you want from Beyonce, but don’t follow her cue when it comes to babywearing: when you use a baby carrier, never cover up your baby’s face with a blanket, coat, or other fabric. Keep baby’s mouth and nose completely free and clear, both to ensure s/he can breathe easily and so that you can observe your baby and know instantly if anything is amiss.

The pikkolo forms a J-shape when worn.

"Traditional" SSC, with truncated J-shape with padded waist going downward.

I hope this helps to make this easier for some people to visualize! We are also working on some plans to get videos and more photo tutorials up on our blog for people.

When I imagine being on a plane with a tantrumming toddler and knowing that strangers’ eyes are on me and that I’m basically holding up the takeoff of the plane—-well, it gets my heart beating a little faster just thinking about it, so I really feel for these parents. Who among us hasn’t been in the position of not being able to settle our child (or children) in a public space? Who among us can’t imagine that uncomfortable mix of anxiety, frustration, exhaustion, and judgment? But apparently, when the Today Show conducted a poll asking people to vote whether or not they agreed with the airline, 71% of people said the airline was justified in their decision. I found that surprising, not because I can say for sure they were right or wrong, but because that’s a pretty strong number feeling so sure that it was right to kick this family off the plane. I understand that it’s a flight, there are safety protocols that must be followed and that something as unfortunate as removing a family from a plane might be unnecessary in extreme circumstances. But then I read the comments on the story on MSNBC’s “Overhead Bin” Facebook page and there’s not a lot of nuance in a lot of those siding with the airline. Really there was just a lot of mean-spirited, nastiness directed towards the parents.

It was clear to one commenter that “these nitwit parents have no parenting skills as their kids couldn’t sit still for even one second while Matt (Lauer) interviewed them.” Wow, I had no idea that a measure of our skill as parents was the ability of our 2- and 3-year-olds to be interviewed on camera for a national television audience in a calm, sit-still and don’t-make-a-fuss way. I must be a real parenting failure then; my kids are 5 and 8 and sometimes I can’t even get them to sit still at a family-friendly restaurant where there are not ginormous television cameras trained on them and a friendly stranger (Matt Lauer) staring at them and asking questions. The parents are both doctors, one a pediatrician, and the Facebook commenters also note that “they must have skipped parenting classes in med school.” They teach “parenting” in med school now?!?

The comments continue to deride this family on the basis of class: they are doctors, and therefore assumed rich, and therefore, snobs, and therefore, they let other people raise their children, i.e. nannies, and so of course, they don’t have a clue how to parent properly. Many commenters also fly frequently and *their* children are never so monstrous, so *obviously* it’s not *that* hard. Because really, how hard is it “to put a 2-year-old in a seat, buckle it, and give her a cookie?” The husband, who remains a bit quieter than the wife throughout the interview and tries to calm the children when they seem restless, is also advised to “grow a set.” I’m pretty sure he has one, or else I don’t think he’s the biological father of those children, but what the hell do I know?

The parents are also “entitled,” “self-absorbed,” “assholes”, and “tote their children along on flights like fancy handbags.” Another bemoans the passage of the good ol’ days, when “parents had the right to discipline their children with more than just words. Nowadays, children have all the rights.” The children are “spoiled brats,” the evidence for which seems mostly to be that they try to talk to their dad during the interview, squirm a lot and the 3-year-old keeps trying to touch her dad’s hair.

THEY ARE 3- AND 2-YEARS-OLD. My word. Thankfully there are some rational, reasonable commenters on the thread. As I’ve said, I don’t know if the airline was in the right or not, I wasn’t there. However, if the tantrum truly did last 5 minutes tops, the child was calm and restrained before they went to taxi and yet the pilot still turned the plane around to go back to the gate and had them escorted off the plane, well, I’m leaning towards “not in the right.” When did people become so hostile towards children? I understand that unruly children can be very annoying when you are on a plane. Sometimes I agree parents can and should do more than they are to attempt to correct that type of behavior. But wow, it’s sad to me that so many people seem to find the ultimate accomplishment in parenting to be iron-fisted control over the behavior of a developing human being.

One commenter, Sandra Richter, juxtaposes how when she flies as a frequent business traveler, she gets the royal treatment, but when she flies with her kids, people give her the stink-eye before they’ve even interacted. She points out that children over age 2 must pay the same fare, yet are much smaller and lighter than an adult passenger. “I regularly watch as enormous adults take up more space than they have paid for, refuse to turn off their iPhones, smash other peoples’ belongings in the overhead compartments, play R-rated films on their laptops for all to see, snore, emit various bodily functions without restraint, and talk at the top of their voices and are rarely addressed by flight attendants.” If bad behavior by adults is so often not addressed, but the second a child doesn’t toe the line, we treat them like this, then, she proposes children must be considered “second-class flyers. If that is the case, may we have reduced flight prices, please?”

Amen.

Tom Stemberg, the co-founder of office-supply store Staples, recently complained about the chilling effect on the economy of a provision in the Affordable Care Act (ACA) that states that employers must provide a private space that is not a bathroom and adequate break time for mothers to be able to pump milk for one year after the birth of their child. For information on this provision, visit the Department of Labor’s website here.

“Do you want [farming retailer] Tractor Supply to open stores or would you rather they take their capital and do what Obamacare and its 2,700 pages dictates – which is to open a lactation chamber at every single store that they have?” he asked.

“I’m big on breastfeeding; my wife breastfed,” Stemberg added. “I’m all for that. I don’t think every retail store in America should have to go to lactation chambers, which is what Obamacare foresees.”

According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research (IWPR), this section of the Affordable Care Act affects approximately 19 million female workers, basically any woman who is not exempt from the Fair Labor Standards Act’s provisions on minimum wage and overtime wages. This essentially translates to hourly workers.

“In 2006, mothers with family income less than 100 percent of the povertyline, with less than a high school-level education, African American mothers, and mothers under the age of 20 were least likely to breastfeed. IWPR’s estimates show that these are the same groups that have the highest rates of coverage under the ACA breastfeeding protections.”

Increasing the rates of breastfeeding (initiation, duration, and exclusivity) in the United States is part of a very important public health goal, which in turn could save as much as $13 billion per year, according to a 2010 study in the journal Pediatrics. It could also save 900 American babies from death each year, the study noted, but Stemberg is clearly focusing on the monetary side of things, so we’ll stick to that. The study, which has been reviewed by numerous independent sources and declared sound and reasonable, also only bases these savings on the US attaining a breastfeeding rate of 50% of babies being exclusively breastfed at age 6 months. Currently, only 12% of US babies fall in this category. Larry Gray, a pediatrician at the University of Chicago, however, notes that it is unfair to shame mothers who do not breastfeed, “because their jobs and other demands often make it impossible to do so.”

So, it would seem that requiring break time and private space to pump at work would be quite effective at increasing breastfeeding rates among a population with statistically low breastfeeding rates, right? I would be very interested for someone to compile how much money it would take for employers to actually comply with this provision, so we could stack it against the $13 billion in savings we could reasonably expect to see (again, let’s not concern ourselves with the 900 saved babies, as Stemberg clearly does not). I suspect that the cost to comply to each business would really pale in comparison to the benefits that we, as a society, could expect to see, but I guess the issue for Stemberg is that it might put a slight ding in his company coffers. And hey, his wife breasfed, it’s not that he’s against breastfeeding; it’s just that if you are not of a sufficiently high enough socio-economic level to have the privilege of either staying at home during the early part of your child’s life, or to be at a level in a company where you probably have a private office and people don’t watch what you do with your time quite so closely and make you punch in and out, well, then maybe breastfeeding is not such a good idea. At least for Staples’ balance sheet.

Let’s talk for a moment, too, about the mocking tone that is implied in the phrase “lactation chambers.” I’d be a bit more inclined to have a serious, respectful discussion about the costs and benefits of a law like this with someone who had not gone and used that term. Because all that terms serves to do is ridicule the whole notion of breastfeeding and pumping, like it’s so silly and embarrassing and bizarre that we need a specially named room, nay, chamber, in which to do it. Not a nursing room, pumping room, mother’s room, mother’s lounge, but a “lactation chamber.” I don’t know about you, but another verb that I readily associate with the word chamber is “torture,” but maybe that was unintentional on Stemberg’s part.

When I went back to work after maternity leave with my first, I was very lucky. I had an office with a door that locked and reasonable, supportive coworkers and bosses. I didn’t stay there long, as I decided I didn’t want to work full-time, and I found a part-time job. I didn’t have my own desk for the two days a week I came in and certainly not a private office. I told them that I would need to pump milk occasionally (and this was when my daughter was just about a year, not a newborn), and you know what they came up with? A ginormous empty office suite with a private bathroom. It used to be the CEO’s office until they moved the headquarters to a different city. Contrast that with the time I walked into a bathroom in O’Hare airport and there was a woman sort of huddled against the wall near the back by a baby-changing station. I sort of looked at her trying to figure out what she was doing, because, honestly, she looked almost suspiciously off–darting eyes, obviously trying to use her body to shield something from my view, and you know, we’re in an airport in post-9/11 times. Yeah, well she was trying to shield her poor breasts, while holding the pump horns to them, from my view, and she kept looking towards people as they came in and away, seeming pretty uncomfortable about the whole endeavor. I tried to look her in the eyes and not tip my head down to her chest and give her an encouraging smile. And to be honest, think for a moment about how glad I was that I did not have to make a choice between doing that every day, several times a day and not feeding my child breast milk.

Ryan Gosling debates whether to wear a wrap or an SSC.

Image copyright GQ magazine (photographs by Mario Testino):

http://www.gq.com/entertainment/celebrities/201101/ryan-gosling-photos-all-good-things-blue-valentine-mario-testino#slide=1

Ryan Gosling knows that a car carrier is an essential parenting tool.

Image found in People magazine (photo credit WENN):

http://www.people.com/people/ryan_gosling/0,,,00.html

Ryan Gosling debates various methods for back carrying.

Image copyright Steve Granitz/WireImage/Getty, seen on abcnews.go.com:

http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/ryan-gosling-celebs-mcdonalds-egg-suppliers-hatin/story?id=15198003#.Ty17weNWrOU

Tell us what you think babywearing Ryan Gosling is thinking.

Tips for bringing baby to a party:

• If the party is at a person’s home, call up the host and tell them how much you appreciate the invite and that you’d like to come with your baby. “Hi! Thank you so much for inviting us to your party. I’m really looking forward to seeing you and having some grown-up conversation. Little Madison is already 6 weeks old, can you believe it? I’m planning to come with her in a baby carrier, she’ll probably sleep the whole time! I just wanted to tell you ahead of time and make sure that won’t be a problem.”
• If the party is at a public place, take your cues on whether bringing your baby is a good idea from the location. The party room of a restaurant you would dine at with children? For sure. A fancier restaurant, but still a private room? Yep. A bar or dance club? Maybe, maybe not. I would consider the likely noise level (loud music and very loud conversation will startle baby and could harm his ears), whether it will be smoke-free, and who the other potential patrons not associated with your party may be.
• Assure your host that if your baby has a meltdown, you will excuse yourself, whether temporarily or by calling it an early night. It’s fair for adults to want a time and space where they can step away from the demands of raising children.
• If your baby needs a diaper change, go to a private area and always put a mat or blanket down on whatever surface you use. If you use disposable diapers, take it with you to dispose of later (unless you know the hosts *really* well and feel ok asking to dispose of it in their garbage).
• Your little black dress might be AWESOME but it is probably also really hard to breastfeed while wearing it. For maximum babywearing-party-going efficiency and enjoyment, try dressy pants and a dressy button-down blouse. Maybe a pretty scarf or pashmina would be useful for coverage or to block distractions for baby. A ring sling tail will do the same. The hood on a carrier like the pikkolo, or other SSC, can serve this function as well.
• If you have an alcoholic drink or two, there is typically little to worry about with regard to breastfeeding. Alcohol can inhibit let-down but if this is not usually a problem for you, drinking a little likely won’t pose a problem. Also, you do NOT need to pump and dump your milk if you drink, unless you are uncomfortably full and not yet ready to nurse baby. Alcohol does not stay in the milk, it dissipates just as it does from the bloodstream. Blood alcohol levels peak within 30-90 minutes of consuming a drink (faster without food, slower while eating). Most doctors advise consuming no more than 1-2 drinks and waiting a minimum of 2-3 hours to nurse again. There is also a product called Milkscreen, which you can use to determine if there is any alcohol in your breastmilk if you are concerned. (See Thomas Hale’s Medications and Mother’s Milk, 1999, for more information on alcohol’s interactions with breastfeeding.)

So, would you take a baby to a party? At what age would you think twice, or say “no way!” For me, I would only take a pre-walking baby that I knew would be content in a carrier for at least an hour (and hopefully more!). Beyond that and I think the experience would be more stressful than fun. 

For some reason, a lot of people are utterly convinced that babies have a freezing point of about 65 degrees, but I’m here to tell you it’s just not true. (In fact, 61-68 degrees Farenheit is considered the ideal temperature range for sleeping.) Yes, babies are not as able to regulate their body temperatures as we are and we should pay attention to making sure they are at a safe and comfortable temperature. But some people only ever seem to be worried that they are freezing their little tushies off, which is rarely the case. Overheating is a serious concern.

I am writing this now because it’s now that time of year when I start seeing, on a daily basis, babies so bundled up that I wonder if I should say something or mind my own business. Just like I didn’t appreciate that woman telling me my baby was cold when she was not, I’m sure that strangers on the street don’t want me boldly informing them that *I* know better than them. But I often see babies who are dressed in snowsuits, hats, strapped into handheld infant car seats that then also have thick blankets or buntings tucked in around them, or even over their heads. A 2008 study found that the mean prevalence of head covering among SIDS victims was 24.6% vs. 3.6 in the control group. Researchers do not know if the risk associated with head covering has to do with overheating, hypoxia, or rebreathing, though. So, yes, bundle baby up when you go outside in frigid temperatures; but never cover the face or head and always remove layers when you go inside, even if  doing so risks waking a sleeping baby.

Babies are indeed sedentary compared to older children and adults and so may need a little more clothing than we do. But only as much as any person would need if they were merely sitting and resting instead of walking around and doing normal activities. If you are comfortably walking around outside with jeans and a short sleeve shirt, your baby really doesn’t need a fleece jacket over a cotton footed sleeper plus a receiving blanket and fleece hat (personally witnessed this one while strolling around an outdoor mall recently); a light blanket over the cotton sleeper and maybe a lightweight hat (maybe!) will do just fine.

In both sleep situations and during babywearing, it is important to keep baby warm but not so bundled as to allow them to become overheated. Remember that with babywearing, your body generates heat that helps keep baby warm. If you will wear baby in a carrier and then use a coat over both of you or a carrier cover of some kind, skip the snowsuit and use a light jacket and hat or possibly no jacket and just a hat. Bring extra layers with you in case you need to add them but don’t think that just because it’s winter that means baby needs a snowsuit (and a blanket, and a bunting, etc). Babies hands and feet may feel a little cool to the touch sometimes and this does not necessarily indicate baby is too cold! Feel the stomach or chest and if it is warm, baby is at a good body temperature.

(Citation: Blair PS, Mitchell EA, Heckstall-Smith EM, Fleming PJ. Head covering: a major modifiable risk factor for sudden infant death syndrome—a systematic review. Arch Dis Child. 2008;93(9):778–783)

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I am a breastfeeding advocate. As many people have rightly pointed out, anthropological and biological study show us that a natural weaning age around the world is typically between 3 and 7 years, severe allergies or not. So while I may not wish to breastfeed a child of 5 years, I cannot say that it is “wrong,” as so many people did. I am not going to say “I’m all for breastfeeding. . . . a BABY.” I’m actually more interested in the *tone* of Prudence’s response than the actual advice. Because if you distill the actual advice down to about one or two factual sentences, it would be this: “Tell your brother, ‘we were all really uncomfortable that your wife breastfed her son at the dinner table, especially considering it was the first time we met her. I understand he has allergies, but would you ask her if she can step away from the dinner table if she needs to breastfeed him again at a family gathering?’”

When you say this matter-of-factly, it doesn’t sound too bad to me. I know that some people feel that the mom should breastfeed her son whenever and wherever she wishes, and I can respect that opinion. If the son in question were an infant or toddler, I’d be more inclined to agree. But breastfeeding a 5-year-old, even if anthropologically and biologically normal is not typical in our culture. Add in the fact that this was done in front of people you’ve never met (even if they are now your family, by marriage), and I am ok with suggesting that a more private location is a better choice.

But the tone of the response is mocking, condescending, and derisive. It suggests that because the mother breastfeeds her 5-year-old son (you know the child that she carried to term and birthed), that she is going to gleefully attempt to serve her unsuspecting guests her breast milk in lieu of cream for their coffee (which probably comes from cows, but yet that’s not weird?). She mocks La Leche League and then makes a completely unscientific declaration that 5 years old is too old to “still be at mommy’s breast.” When, she says, your kid can tell you to lay off the garlic, then it’s time to throw away the nursing bra (to which I say, hey, if it still fits, wear that sucker, because does she know how hard it is to find a good bra and those things are expensive and why, yes, I’m wearing a nursing bra even though my youngest hasn’t nursed for 2+ years). This sounds pretty much like the oft-heard “if they can ask for it, they’re too old.” What does “ask for it” mean anyway? “Nee-nees, pease?!” coming from a 18-month-old is asking for it. Is a 10-month-old who can sign “milk,” asking for it? Sorry, but when you get down to it, rooting, a behavior that is exhibited minutes out of the womb, is “asking for it.” The instinct to breastfeed is just that–instinctual and distinctions that have to do with the method of communication to express that human need and what they have to say about breastfeeding’s appropriateness are completely arbitrary. Then Prudence suggests that if the husband won’t ask his wife to nurse the son in a more private setting that the other family members run out of the room while doing their best imitation of Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” rather than suggesting that the writer just say calmly and politely to her sister-in-law, “Can I ask you to give your son breast milk in the other room, we feel awkward having you do so at the table?” I mean, you can have a discussion about whether or not that is fair to ask of her, but it’s a heck of a lot less hysterical than the juvenile responses Prudence suggests. The woman could even suggest pumping milk for her son before coming to a family gathering. I know that this may not be an option; some women cannot get much, if any, milk by pump, but only by nursing. And yes, it’s way less convenient. But politely suggesting a different location or a pump is a lot less offensive than the attitude displayed in the column.

Prudence closes by praying that this woman find her son a milk substitute (by which, to clarify, she means a substitute for the cow’s milk that most people drink, which is a substitute for the milk of our own species, since the woman’s son is allergic to cow’s milk), because “[i]t would be bad for him socially if she had to come and give him nourishment to get him through his SATs.” We all know that no child has ever had his mother have to breastfeed him through his college entrance exams, but hey why miss one more opportunity to marginalize the parent outside the norm of the culture as a crazy, possibly pathological, child-ruining monster? I suppose that reasoned, practical advice isn’t what advice columns are for anymore.

Tiny Prints is running a talent search contest right now with prizes to be awarded in the following categories: cutest baby (0-2), cutest kid (2-10), cutest family, cutest couple, cutest pet. Winners could get $1,000, a $500 Tiny Prints gift certificate, and the chance to be featured in the Tiny Prints 2012 marketing campaigns. This last part is what I want to focus on and, why I am encouraging you all to submit photos of your beautiful children (see details on entering here). Think about how cool it would be if a babywearing photo won and were featured in Tiny Prints’ 2012 campaigns!?!

So, go search for your most beautiful babywearing pics showing off your super-cute kids and submit them to the contest (deadline November 21)! How fun would it be if there were tons of photos showing just how cute a worn baby is to choose from during the voting period (November 22-November 30)?

All smiles, being worn in the pikkolo baby carrier.